Let's Pretend, Happy End
by helga3
Summary: A short oneshot. Hiwatari Satoshi ponders Life, The Universe and Everything. Angst, Hiwatari-kun, angst!


**Disclaimer:** I don't own DNAngel

**A/N: **The title is a line from _You Look So Fine_ by Garbage, one of their songs from back when they didn't suck.

Feel free to pick apart as much as you like. Any comments much appreciated, really.

-

**Let's Pretend, Happy End**

-

Once upon a time, there were two little boys, two oh-so-ordinary, normal boys going to an equally oh-so-ordinary, normal school.

Or so it seemed.

In reality, these boys had Secrets.

They had, from their perhaps not-quite-so-normal families inherited a rather annoying trait; they occasionally changed into someone else. One of them into a thief, the other one into a somewhat homicidal, psychotic blond, bent on killing anyone who dared to become close to his host.

But in the end, their other forms disappeared. They were shut away, forever, and everything was good again, back to normality and sunshine and happiness. "They all lived happily ever after." Because that is how any decent story is supposed to end, right?

Right?

Unfortunately, life is not always a fairytale.

It's been a year, but I can still hear his voice sometimes. Krad's. I don't miss it.

I still dream about him too, occasionally. Nightmares where he'll show up and kill Niwa Daisuke and this time, there's nothing I can do about it, and there's no Dark there to help, either. Sometimes, I don't even want to stop him. I dream that I don't exist, and I'm only pretending to do so while the only one that does exist is Krad. Those dreams are the worst.

It's been a year and I'm still afraid of hurting Niwa Daisuke.

I wonder sometimes, what if something really did happen to him? What would I do? What reasons would I have to keep existing?

It used to be so much simpler. I had a purpose in my life; to catch Dark. I never really stopped to consider what I'd do once he was gone, once my _raison d'etre _was no more.

Then again, Dark wasn't as simple as I had thought, either. Because of one Niwa Daisuke. He was Dark

How ironic, that name. If there's anyone who isn't dark, it's him. He's light and warmth and happiness and he fascinates me to no end.

You know what I kind of do miss? I had developed this habit of pinning Niwa-kun – or alternatively Dark - to the walls occasionally. Or the floor. I'm not picky. I never get into any situations where I could do that nowadays, however. I miss it.

I'm not the only one who sees the light in him.

I wish I could hate her, Harada Riku. But I can't. Because she's nice, and she's pretty and she's smart. Because she makes him smile in a way no one else ever could.

My notebook is gone, but I still notice things. I still study Niwa Daisuke. And I've noticed his smiles.

He smiles a lot. Anyone who deserves a smile gets one from him. People who don't, as well. He smiles at me, too, after all. But the smile he gives her - it's different. It's so heartbreaking and private and it's hers, because she's the reason for it and no one else could be.

And I could never hate anyone who makes him smile like that.

I wish I could.

Harada Risa kissed me once. We were in one of the hallways at school, just the two of us. It's strange, isn't it, how often you find those hallways abandoned, considering just how many people go to this school. It's like the hallways know when you need them to be like that.

Except when Saehara comes barging in at the most inopportune moments, of course.

He didn't that time though.

I didn't kiss her back. I turned my head away and told her I couldn't do it. That I didn't love her.

She laughed at me. "Of course you don't, Hiwatari-kun. I don't love you either. But it's hard to always be alone."

I didn't know what to say, somewhere in my mind a strange feeling of betraying someone was flying around. I suppose she sort of guessed what I was thinking, and sighed.

"It's been a year, Hiwatari-kun. Aren't we supposed to be over everything by now? We're teenagers after all, we're supposed to be fickle and change our minds once an hour, at least. We're quite pathetic, you and I, still pining for something that's unattainable. In a different way for you than for me, though, I'll give you that."

She knew. Risa is a lot smarter than most people give her credit for, more observant. I didn't let my surprise show, though, but just looked at her quietly. She looked so sad, now, her words only a whisper.

_"Can't we pretend, at least?"_

And then I kissed her.

I go to her sometimes, and we make belief. She offers me some of the warmth I wish I had myself and we pretend that we're part of that world of happiness and light that we see in others, even if only for a little while.

_Let's pretend, happy end._


End file.
